I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
