So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
