Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize