I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
