Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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