The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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