Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
