there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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