remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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