I like to think it a success when the cops are called
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
