Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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