My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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