ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
