i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
