Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
