Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
