508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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