I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
