The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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