I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
