i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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