C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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