Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
