I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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