I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
