This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Welp...herpes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
