You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize