just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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