I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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