If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
