the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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