He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
