I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
did i just pee glitter
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
