my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
