The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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