Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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