We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
