Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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