And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
