I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
