Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
