Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
