I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
