wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
