Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
