I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How does one acquire holy water?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
