bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
