He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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