someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
