I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize