if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
