I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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