Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
