I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
