Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
