it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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