I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
