i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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