Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
