Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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