It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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