Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
