I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
