I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
