idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize