I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
