Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
