Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
