Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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