My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
