Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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