dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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