DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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