I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Even my vagina gasped.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
