Where is the hickey?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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