just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
